Realizations

Some things, however unfortunate, have become very clear to me, and I need to accept them if I'm ever going to accomplish anything.

1. The only person I can truly depend on is myself.
-My problems are my problems and if I lack the motivation to fix them, how can I expect anyone else to be motivated to fix MY problems. The truth is, I've always wanted a "buddy" of sorts; Someone to encourage and motivate me along the way, to check in on me and help guide me to keep going. The truth is, everyone has their own issues to deal with and I can't be so selfish as to expect someone to push aside their own personal dilemmas to help me with mine. It's just not logical and I know this.

2. I can't tackle my two biggest issues at once.
-Not 100% anyway. I've been trying to lose weight and eat healthy, while trying to spend as little as possible and get out of debt at the same time. It's difficult when my body needs fresh fruits and vegetables, whole wheat breads, lean meats, etc. and when I eat out, Subway, in order to lose weight, but my bank account needs me to stick with cheap things, like Ramen Noodles, cheap white bread, and basically whatever I can get from the food pantry, and when I eat out, Taco Bell. If you get what I'm saying, these two worlds don't mix well, not 100% anyway. I have to put my number 1 priority as my health, and do it as inexpensively as possible, but still buying all the things I need to fuel my body and improve my health. Instead of giving 50% for each and being unstable at both, I will have to give 100% to my health, and just be mindful about clipping coupons for those healthy foods, and buying on sale and such.

3. If not now, then when?
-I'm currently the heaviest and biggest I've ever been. I'm clinically obese. I pray every night for God to help me become more healthy and lose weight. What I've been so blind to, is He has given me a huge opportunity and I'm just absentmindedly letting it pass by. I'm not in school right now, not until January. I tried to go up in hours at work, but they only give me 20.5 each week. I have to see that God is giving me an opening. I have more time to focus on losing weight now than I ever will again, and I have just over 2 more months to take full advantage of this time and appreciate what a wonderful gift in disguise He has given me. I was watching a movie the other day, "Evan Almighty", and despite how silly the movie may be, I really took to heart a line said by "God" in it: "Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?".