I'm currently reading a book called "101 'Answers' for New Teachers and Their Mentors" by Annette L. Breaux. One of the messages in there is so thought-provoking and I feel it applies not only to teaching, but to weight loss, college, and more. The message is as follows, but the word "teaching" could easily be replaced with "losing weight", "finishing college", "relationships", etc etc.
"Please understand that teaching is hard work! The road will be rocky at times. You will stumble and fall on occasion. You may even bleed a little. But understand, also, that nothing worthwhile comes easily. The rewards of teaching far outweigh the demands." This is truly something to think about no matter what goal you're trying to reach. As was asked in "The Girl Next Door", "Is the juice worth the squeeze?". It's important to evaluate what you want and if it's worth the hard work and demands that it takes to get it, then that's all you need to think about to motivate yourself when you're getting down.
I'll try to remember this when I'm tired of eating vegetables, tired of studying and doing hours upon hours of homework, tired of being pulled in a million different directions. The end result (being in great physical shape, starting my career, moving to NYC, getting married, etc.) WILL be worth all of the hard work I'm going to put forth. That is the bottom line, really.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Potholes
Well, I'm having a rocky start to my fitness plan. I'm still trying to get into the swing of things. I need to make sure I keep track of EVERYTHING I eat and make myself get in exercise daily. I'm doing well logging my food today so far, and I just need to make sure I fit in a workout at some point. The TV is occupied though, so I can't do a workout video, so maybe I'll do some crunches and push ups in the bedroom while I listen to my new Carrie Underwood CD. It's not really a new CD, but I just never bought it. I never liked her until after she got off Idol and I really love the style of her songs and the attitude she brings to them.
One great thing today was I finally got my internship assignment for the school I will intern at before I student teach in the spring. I'm really excited to get started tomorrow morning, but am a little nervous as well. I really don't know what compelled me to go into teaching. I've always been a shy person, not very outgoing or outspoken. I've also always been good at math though, so I guess I figured why not teach it? I do want to make a difference though and help kids succeed and strive to achieve their dreams.
I am having a little trouble in one of my classes though, so I think I'm going to set up a meeting with my professor, while it's still early in the semester, so I can get some help before I get too far behind. I'm taking 18 hours each week of classes, plus 12 hours each week in my internship, plus I work 20-24 hours each week. If it gets to be too much, work will be the first thing to go. I have a lot of grants and student loans this year so I can be taken care of if I need to quit my job so I can make sure I keep my grades up. School is my #1 priority right now, followed by my health. Work is somewhere at the bottom of my priority list, and as long as my job is an entry-level retail position that will not help me with my career, it will stay at the bottom of my priorities.
One great thing today was I finally got my internship assignment for the school I will intern at before I student teach in the spring. I'm really excited to get started tomorrow morning, but am a little nervous as well. I really don't know what compelled me to go into teaching. I've always been a shy person, not very outgoing or outspoken. I've also always been good at math though, so I guess I figured why not teach it? I do want to make a difference though and help kids succeed and strive to achieve their dreams.
I am having a little trouble in one of my classes though, so I think I'm going to set up a meeting with my professor, while it's still early in the semester, so I can get some help before I get too far behind. I'm taking 18 hours each week of classes, plus 12 hours each week in my internship, plus I work 20-24 hours each week. If it gets to be too much, work will be the first thing to go. I have a lot of grants and student loans this year so I can be taken care of if I need to quit my job so I can make sure I keep my grades up. School is my #1 priority right now, followed by my health. Work is somewhere at the bottom of my priority list, and as long as my job is an entry-level retail position that will not help me with my career, it will stay at the bottom of my priorities.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Future Endeavours
Yes, my first pressing goal is to get in shape. I want to be healthy. However, I do have other goals I will tackle in the future, some while I'm still working on my current goal. I am getting married on May 10, 2008. I want to do everything I can to make that day both wonderfully memorable and affordable. Another goal of mine is to finish college. I graduated high school in June of 2002 and through slacking off, stress about weight and family problems, and more, I let myself get further and further behind. I am currently aggressively working on this goal, as I am taking 18 hours of classes this semester, student teaching next semester, taking summer classes, and hopefully finishing up my final classes NEXT fall. After that, my next goal is to move to New York City. It will take a lot of saving up, research, planning, and adjusting, but I know I can do it. Much later down the road, I'd also like to have children and be a great mom, but I'll tackle that one when the time is right. I am confident that with lots of hard work and perseverance, I will accomplish all of these dreams and live a complete, fulfilled life and never again regress to what I once was.
Current Events
Unfortunately, I still haven't lost weight. I have actually gained quite a bit, and am up over 30 pounds higher than I was back when I was trying to lose weight. I have tried several diets and workout programs, but haven't been successful yet. The main thing I have made sure of though, with whatever I've tried is that I will not eat less than 1200 calories a day. I will not do anything unhealthy to my body, which includes diet pills.
I am currently, as of this morning, 5'0", 152 pounds, and my measurements are 39"-33"-42". I am no longer striving to get down to a ridiculous number on the scale, or be a size -00. I just want to be healthy. I don't want to have health problems. I currently have hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, Gilbert's disease, and who knows what else. I want to get rid of all my medicines and just be healthy. I want to be able to get up from my chair without feeling out of breath. It's that simple. I just want to be healthy.
To accomplish this I plan to keep a journal of everything I eat. I love Sparkpeople.com for logging my daily food intake and exercise minutes. I plan to eat healthier, including more fruits and vegetables in my daily food intake, but still will basically eat what I want. Nothing will be off limits. I have to simply re-learn what it feels like to be full. I will eat until I'm full and then be finished, no regrets. I will exercise regularly too. Exercise is good for so many reasons, only one of which being weight loss. The biggest reason I love it is for stress relief, which I need daily.
I know that with lots of hard work and perseverance, anything is possible.
I am currently, as of this morning, 5'0", 152 pounds, and my measurements are 39"-33"-42". I am no longer striving to get down to a ridiculous number on the scale, or be a size -00. I just want to be healthy. I don't want to have health problems. I currently have hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, Gilbert's disease, and who knows what else. I want to get rid of all my medicines and just be healthy. I want to be able to get up from my chair without feeling out of breath. It's that simple. I just want to be healthy.
To accomplish this I plan to keep a journal of everything I eat. I love Sparkpeople.com for logging my daily food intake and exercise minutes. I plan to eat healthier, including more fruits and vegetables in my daily food intake, but still will basically eat what I want. Nothing will be off limits. I have to simply re-learn what it feels like to be full. I will eat until I'm full and then be finished, no regrets. I will exercise regularly too. Exercise is good for so many reasons, only one of which being weight loss. The biggest reason I love it is for stress relief, which I need daily.
I know that with lots of hard work and perseverance, anything is possible.
Ancient History
Growing up, I wasn't a "heavy kid". I hit puberty at a young age, which caused certain changes, namely breasts, that caused me to suddenly become very aware, and eventually ashamed of my body. I wasn't fat though. I was just very, VERY well endowed upstairs. This all happened the summer before sixth grade though, which meant when I started middle school, I was very unprepared for the teasing and low self-esteem to come. The teasing in middle school about my breasts, along with the unwanted male attention that made me very uncomfortable, caused my self-image to change drastically.
I honestly never thought about my body before this. I didn't think of myself as fat or skinny, pretty or ugly. I had no concept of body image at all. Shortly after I began sixth grade, however, I became all too aware of how other people looked at me. Guys payed a LOT of attention to me, but seeing how I wasn't "there" yet with liking boys that way, I didn't like the attention. It made me feel like a sex symbol and was all too uncomfortable. Getting whistled at and dirty stares from grown men made me feel even worse.
I didn't get much support from girls either. For the most part, they either teased me about my bra size, or ignored me, annoyed by all the "undeserved" attention I got from the boys. I couldn't stand it. I suddenly became too aware of my clothes. I buried all my tank-tops and fitted shirts in the back of my closet and started wearing too-large shirts to hide my large breasts. I chopped off my hair and started wearing baggy jeans instead of shorts. This did the trick. Soon, instead of having unwanted degrading attention from boys, the only attention, if any, I got was from boys laughing behind my back talking about me needing to join "Jenny Craig" or the like. I was successful at drawing attention away from my breasts, but now I simply looked fat, as I was hiding under my bulky shirts and sweaters.
Then I turned to food. I really can't remember when I started using food to comfort myself, but I know I had serious issues. I'd eat for hours non-stop while watching television at night, dreaming that I could look as wonderful and be as confident as the television idols I loved to watch. When getting home from grocery shopping, I'd gorge myself, sampling everything we just bought. Cookies, cakes, chips, candy, I couldn't drag myself away from all these fulfilling treats. The sugar high made me feel good, albeit only temporarily, and forget about how miserable I was. Soon, I'd feel guilty and start exercising like crazy or turn to dangerous methods like starving myself, or even purging after eating. I hated what I had become and didn't know how to get my life under control.
I think I was 15 or 16 when my father first purchased diet pills for me. I had been begging him, as he used them because he too, was overweight. I reasoned with him that at the doctor's office, she admitted I was overweight and should drop a few pounds. Xenadrine became my favorite drug. It erased my cravings, usually because it made me too nauseous to even think of food. It gave me crazy energy, which fueled my workouts. It helped. I lost weight. Eventually, ephedra was declared illegal, and my friend was gone. The new versions of Xenadrine just didn't work like the ephedra-filled ones and I soon gained the weight back with interest.
Then, I hit my lowest point. I was out of control. I would turn to extreme diets and excessive exercise, then use bulimia when I lost "control" and binged on my comfort foods. I pushed my friends far, far away as I slipped further and further into a very dark place. I began to resent my friends who were thin and pretty. Why couldn't I be like them. Why did I let myself eat and eat and get fatter and fatter. I really wasn't THAT overweight. I was actually within a healthy weight range for my height. I eventually got breast-reduction surgery, which I thought would help improve my body image, but actually made it worse in ways. Now, my stomach instantly looked bigger, as my breasts were much smaller. I hated my stomach, my thighs and my butt. I felt huge. I did not like myself. I hated the way I looked, and even more, I hated the way I was treating my friends and the people who cared about me. I just couldn't stop myself or let go of my obsession. I even thought about suicide but couldn't go through with it. I am a Christian and was too scared I'd end up in hell forever for doing that, although part of me believed I deserved it for being so horrible to everyone.
I really can't explain why or how it happened, but somehow, with the help of my fiance, something in me just clicked. I was treating people horribly, somehow blaming them for the things I hated about myself. One of my closest friends couldn't take it anymore and flat out told me she didn't want anything more to do with me. I think that might have been what snapped in me. I was ruining my life. I was hurting people I cared about. I had to stop the vicious cycle.
I began researching everything I could about eating HEALTHY. I stopped purging right then and there. I stopped saying negative things about my body. I became instantly aware of how everything I said and did affected others and started making sure I thought before I spoke or acted. I vowed to get as far away from the person I had become as I possibly could. And I did.
I honestly never thought about my body before this. I didn't think of myself as fat or skinny, pretty or ugly. I had no concept of body image at all. Shortly after I began sixth grade, however, I became all too aware of how other people looked at me. Guys payed a LOT of attention to me, but seeing how I wasn't "there" yet with liking boys that way, I didn't like the attention. It made me feel like a sex symbol and was all too uncomfortable. Getting whistled at and dirty stares from grown men made me feel even worse.
I didn't get much support from girls either. For the most part, they either teased me about my bra size, or ignored me, annoyed by all the "undeserved" attention I got from the boys. I couldn't stand it. I suddenly became too aware of my clothes. I buried all my tank-tops and fitted shirts in the back of my closet and started wearing too-large shirts to hide my large breasts. I chopped off my hair and started wearing baggy jeans instead of shorts. This did the trick. Soon, instead of having unwanted degrading attention from boys, the only attention, if any, I got was from boys laughing behind my back talking about me needing to join "Jenny Craig" or the like. I was successful at drawing attention away from my breasts, but now I simply looked fat, as I was hiding under my bulky shirts and sweaters.
Then I turned to food. I really can't remember when I started using food to comfort myself, but I know I had serious issues. I'd eat for hours non-stop while watching television at night, dreaming that I could look as wonderful and be as confident as the television idols I loved to watch. When getting home from grocery shopping, I'd gorge myself, sampling everything we just bought. Cookies, cakes, chips, candy, I couldn't drag myself away from all these fulfilling treats. The sugar high made me feel good, albeit only temporarily, and forget about how miserable I was. Soon, I'd feel guilty and start exercising like crazy or turn to dangerous methods like starving myself, or even purging after eating. I hated what I had become and didn't know how to get my life under control.
I think I was 15 or 16 when my father first purchased diet pills for me. I had been begging him, as he used them because he too, was overweight. I reasoned with him that at the doctor's office, she admitted I was overweight and should drop a few pounds. Xenadrine became my favorite drug. It erased my cravings, usually because it made me too nauseous to even think of food. It gave me crazy energy, which fueled my workouts. It helped. I lost weight. Eventually, ephedra was declared illegal, and my friend was gone. The new versions of Xenadrine just didn't work like the ephedra-filled ones and I soon gained the weight back with interest.
Then, I hit my lowest point. I was out of control. I would turn to extreme diets and excessive exercise, then use bulimia when I lost "control" and binged on my comfort foods. I pushed my friends far, far away as I slipped further and further into a very dark place. I began to resent my friends who were thin and pretty. Why couldn't I be like them. Why did I let myself eat and eat and get fatter and fatter. I really wasn't THAT overweight. I was actually within a healthy weight range for my height. I eventually got breast-reduction surgery, which I thought would help improve my body image, but actually made it worse in ways. Now, my stomach instantly looked bigger, as my breasts were much smaller. I hated my stomach, my thighs and my butt. I felt huge. I did not like myself. I hated the way I looked, and even more, I hated the way I was treating my friends and the people who cared about me. I just couldn't stop myself or let go of my obsession. I even thought about suicide but couldn't go through with it. I am a Christian and was too scared I'd end up in hell forever for doing that, although part of me believed I deserved it for being so horrible to everyone.
I really can't explain why or how it happened, but somehow, with the help of my fiance, something in me just clicked. I was treating people horribly, somehow blaming them for the things I hated about myself. One of my closest friends couldn't take it anymore and flat out told me she didn't want anything more to do with me. I think that might have been what snapped in me. I was ruining my life. I was hurting people I cared about. I had to stop the vicious cycle.
I began researching everything I could about eating HEALTHY. I stopped purging right then and there. I stopped saying negative things about my body. I became instantly aware of how everything I said and did affected others and started making sure I thought before I spoke or acted. I vowed to get as far away from the person I had become as I possibly could. And I did.
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